Britney, as we knew her
I am neither impressed nor revolted by Britney Spears. The early, kiddie-burlesque stages of her career shocked most people into turgid reverence or seething annoyance, but I’ve always remained indifferent. Back then, haters liked arguing that she wasn’t pretty or that she couldn’t sing (vocal prowess has never been a prequisite to being photographed in bustiers.) Teen Britney was just an apple-cheeked gymnast with a voice that was all bubble n’ squeak. Seemed ordinary enough, but people went nuts for what she was selling. As Britney’s star rose, her blonde got lighter, her ego grew mightier, and people didn’t stop caring, even though Britney’s detractors desperately wanted them to.
It’s finally happened. Britney, while still a hugely recognizable celebrity, no longer seems like a star. It’s almost like we’re seeing what she would have become had she never been famous. Her hair is brown and exhausted and little colonies of pimples have emerged along her jawline. Plus, she’s married to a yokel. We’ve all seen the photos of thick-necked Brit pawing through the orange sediment at the bottom of a Cheetos Big Grab. We’ve seen her walking out of a gas station bathroom with bare feet and an exposed Buddha. We’ve all seen her engaging her new stepdaughter with an expression of forced merriment. Worst of all, we’ve seen that dude. The one with the pants. The one she married, sort of, while sister Jamie-Lynn stood witness in a ghastly red dress. Five years ago we all thought Britney would marry Justin Timberlake and bear him a litter of towheaded tots with beatboxing acumen.
Weirdly, she still looks like the iconic Britney in her videos. That’s quite a testament to the power of cosmetics, lighting, and bulk European hair. Even though her latest video was shot recently, it feels like a telegram from the past. Point being, this is America! We are known in Europe for being pretentious loud-mouthed slobs. Brats. Punks. Goofs. Some of the time this is true. Most of the time it’s not [PATRIOT!!!!], but still.. Why should we shove camera’s in the face of somone who is messed up in ways that most of us have been at one point or another. Why do Americans find it so entertaining, to light up a former celebrities failures?? How would you feel America? Not very good. NOTE: This is not A Chris Crocker rant. Many Americans, including myself thought it was wild when she shaved her head.